The End in the Beginning
If we’ve met within the last 3 months, you probably know that I recently started working part-time at GiveWP as a support tech.
What you may not know is that this job marks the end of my own business, Pixel Glow Web Design, which I’ve working on since 2015. I spent 4 years building that business and learning how to use WordPress to bring well-designed tools to business owners. Starting a business at 23 meant a lot of mistakes, missteps, sleepless nights, tears, and stress. But it also meant an insurmountable amount of learning and growth.
This week in particular marks my last week in business. While I intend to keep the business alive technically so that I can continue to support my maintenance clients, I’m not taking on new clients and I’ve had to either wrap up or distribute outstanding projects.
With Give, I gain a steady paycheck, an entirely new set of skills, a regular schedule, a community of new friends, and a job free of all of the weight being on my shoulders.
With Give, I also lose control of many facets of my professional life, the confidence of being the person with all the answers, the opportunity to design as well as build, and the flexibility that comes with being your own boss.
I’m a very sentimental person and I’m consistently introspective. In these last few days I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to succeed or fail. If my goal was to start a business that could sustain me, financially and emotionally, for the rest of my life, I failed. If my goal was to start something that could help others as well as pay my bills until a new, better opportunity came along, I succeeded. When I think back to the beginning of the business, it really was all about keeping the lights on and maintaining control of my path. I didn’t want to work a job I hated, even if it meant all the financial security in the world.
That being said, I can’t help but feel sad. It’s always sad when things end. It’s always scary to step into a new arena, to find yourself having to be the new kid, to have to start over. I’m not a person who likes relinquishing control; I like to set a path for myself and stick to it. And while I think that it’s an admirable thought to live by, there is a line between determination and stubbornness
So I’m a little sad and I’m a little scared to be giving up control, to admit that I needed this new opportunity – both financially and emotionally. But my overwhelming feeling really is relief. I could not have wished for a better opportunity to come along, something so in line with what I’m used to, but with enough new challenges to be interesting. If another, different opportunity comes along down the road, I feel I’m in a better place to remain open-minded about taking it.